Further perspectives

Further to my previous post, here are some other things you might take on board if you’re coming to Chappo …
Similar contributions also welcome via comments.

^_^

1. In order to maintain the low rents, you are only allowed to take 1 hot shower a week.
2. To qualify yourself to use the electronic entertainment materials at John Chapman House, you must first qualify for use for the non-electronic entertainment materials. To do this, one must prove any one of the following in the presence of a currently qualified member of JCH:
– Perform any 2 of the trick shots in “Eddie Charlton’s trick shots” book
– Score 3 triple 20′s AND have the dartboard say “too high”
– have a hot shower in the Chapman Heights shower room.
Once one has qualified thusly, one may then qualify for the Xbox, Wii, etc. by doing any one of the following in the presence of a currently qualified member of JCH between the hours of 4 and 5 am:
– Have at least 10 level 70 characters on WoW, none of much can be a hunter
– Make it round the Nürburgring in under 8.30
– Successfully play any PS2 game on the PS3.
– Correctly pronounce the Hebrew letter (urk)a-yin without retching.
Don’t worry, none of this is too harsh. Every one in every year thus far has qualified within 2 days of arriving at Chappo.
3. Space constraints due to the rising number of students at MTC have meant that 1st year JCH rooms also double as storage space. This may mean the sudden arrival in the night of workmen storing Bolty’s latest monograph in your wardrobe on behalf of Moore Books. Who knows whether they’ll be there longer than Donald Robinson’s in Cash Chapel?
4. Just as Thursday night is Cafe Moore, Friday night is also a special occasion. This is ‘speed dating’ night. This new initiative is aimed at gradually pairing off every single member of JCH and tHfkaMAC, so that room can be made for more faculty study rooms.
5. It is an unfortunate fact that JCH is built upon a radioactive dump site. This has lead to various superpowers developing, such as invisibility. For instance, Shu, one of the uni boarders, can only be seen between 1am and 6am.
6. OH&S conduct safety inspections every so often. Here’s a short checklist to help:
– Unless you are Asian, shoes should be kept inside so that the stench of rotten feet does not set off the corridor alarms. If you are Asian, you may have any number of sandals, but at most only 1 pair of shoes. Definitely no socks.
– At least 98% of your carpet should be visible to the naked eye
- Many of the walls have a harmonic frequency close to the note “F”. Therefore, no woodwind instruments are allowed.
- Mould will only be allowed if it is being used to develop penicillin cultures.
7. It is commonly believed that we use electronic locking systems. The system is in fact a highly advanced olfactory sensor. The waving of id and so forth helps the propagation of sufficient odour to activate the sensor, which activates only to manly sweat. For this reason, deodorants and anti-perspirants should not be worn.

;)

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One Response to “Further perspectives”

  1. stephenmac says:

    8. While JCH is a residential house, there are many faculty members who have their offices in JCH. As an incoming student, it is important to introduce yourself to them as a matter of courtesy. However, they are very busy. As such, you should do it subtley… Knocking on their door will probably not work as they are deep in though concerning theological conundrums. A well placed cricket ball usually will do the trick. Student residents however, whose windows you have just broken, are not so forgiving…